Have You Been Watching Porn? Who Makes Babies In An Operating Room?

"Pollination happens between two plants, where an egg and a sperm meet.  Once the chemistry starts flowing they swim down the pollination tube to the main operating room where they make baby flowers." - Student answer to question asking them to describe the process of fertilization in flowering plants.

Sweet Music To My Ears

Whoa, that shit looks cool!! - Student as he looked through a microscope at stained cells

So True

"They should be good today, she's young and cute" - Teacher (discussing how her students would behave for the substitute)

That Came Out Wrong

"Plants have hormones just like humans.   They have hormones that make them bloom and make things grow in length" - Teacher (me)

Why?

"So why are you taking a nap in my class today?" - Teacher

"Because I spent all of last night talking to the cops" - Student

On Priorities

"I'd rather go without food, than go without Montana" - Teacher - discussing her weekend plans

On Why American Students Are Falling Behind The Rest Of The World

"I had Mrs. _________  for science .   We didn't learn a damn thing because she just sat on her ass all year."