And He Goes For The Nuclear Option

"Your face!!" - Student 1

"Yeah, well your mom's a lesbian" - Student 2

New Term: Slutina

New Term -  Slutina

Slutty Latina

Really??, Why Are You Looking That Up?

"The world record for the farthest splooge is 18 feet" - Student

On After Prom Celebrations

"She rode the bull later that night, if you know what I mean" - Student

Not The Sharpest Crayon In The Box

"guys have an anus?" - Student (male)

How About We Don't Share That With The Class?

"That's not what mine looks like" - Student to her friend discussing a textbook diagram of a vagina

One Can Just Imagine How He Ends Relationships

"You're out of here.  Five days." - Administrator first words he said to a student he called out of the room.

On Prezygotic Barriers

"____________, I am not doing your sex ed assignment (about female reproductive organs) for you" - Student (female)

"But I don't get why I have to learn this stuff" - Student (male)

"You may want to know that stuff later" - Teacher

"No I wont" - Student (male)

Well, If You Really Want To Know.....

"What is the weirdest color shit you ever had?" - Student

Your Uncle Does WHAT?

"Is that why my uncle acts all crazy when he snorts cocaine?" - Student

Sometimes They Just Break Your Heart

"Three days until the worst day of the year" - Student

"Why is that?" - Me

"Its mother's day" - Student

"Okay??" - Me

"And I don't have a mother" - Student

On Tweaked Out Nerds

"World of Warcraft is like a nerd's meth" - Student

Well Played

"My mom made me mow the lawn" (while hung over, as punishment for getting drunk) - Student

Ironic: If You Have A Behavior Plan You Get In Less Trouble

"I got suspended for a week and a half for showing up to school hung over but some kid in one of my classes got busted for weed and was only out for one day." - Student

That's Why You Smile When Sniff Markers

"That smell is better than sex!" - Student (on sharpies)

Prepare For Lots Of Stinging!!!!

"Since you got to throw beans at us the last two days we should get to throw beans at you." - Student 1 to me

"Yeah, we should." - Student 2

About half a second later I got pelted with beans by a classroom full of kids.      In my defense I did not throw beans at them, we were doing a lab and I threw beans on the floor and they had to fight each other to pick them up.   OK, that might make me sound worse.

Umm.... Where On The Internet?

"Your mom is really hot." - Student 1 (female) to Student 2 (female)

"Yeah, I guess so." - Student 2

"She is!, I saw her on the internet yesterday." - Student 3 (male)

Do You Live Near A Nuclear Waste Dump?

"Chickens have four legs right?" - Student

One Of Our Successful Students

"Can you keep talking so I can go back to sleep?" - Student

On Pick Up Lines: WARNING Explicit Nerdity

"Baby, If I were an enzyme I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes" - Student

On Crappy Teachers

"So what were you studying in __________'s class before you transferred to my class?" - Me

"Actually, this is the first thing I've learned in biology all year." - Student

You Really Believe A Person Who's Bra Size Is Higher Than Her IQ?

"Is it true that the ocean is salty because of whale sperm?" - Student

"No" - Me

"But, that's what Snooki said made it salty" - Student

It Must Be Almost Valentines

"Why does a tiny little explosion happen when you get kissed?" - Student

On Failing Students

"Half of them failed my class, so I'm a little nervous to walk by them" - Teacher discussing the line of kids waiting to switch classes at the semester

And We Know Why You're A FIVE Year Senior

"I hope she's old so we can skip every day" - Student about his new teacher

Would You Like A Brain Too?

"Do you have a pencil I can write with?" - Student (5 minutes into the semester final)

Really?!?! How Did You Get To Boobs From Enzymes?

Random question in the middle of class
"How come one boob is bigger than the other?" - Student (female)

"Yeah, my left one is bigger than my right." - Student 2 (female)

On Black Eyes

"How did you get your black eye?" - Teacher

"I fell out of my shower and hit my head on my toilet, I'm not used to taking showers" - Student

On Random Questions

"Why do nipples nip?" - Student

Should I Be Afraid?

"I had to go home because my dad can't go outside" - Student

"Why can't your dad go outside?" - Teacher

"Oh, he's got house arrest" - Student