I Really Hope You're Joking

"I just printed it, so it should be good." - the guy buying my exercise bike off craigslist as he hands me a 100 dollar bill.

On STD's and Sex - Did I Really Just Say That?

"The smartest thing to do is just stay out of the pool, but if you're going to jump in then at least wear a floatie." - Teacher

No, I'm A Teacher, I Don't Know How To Do That

"Do you know how to get on the computer and go on google and look something up?" - Teacher's aide asking me

What Lies Beneath

"I'm not wearing anything under my robe. Just Socks" - Student 1 (male)
"I'm wearing my bright pink bathing suit, and if it rains...." - Student 2 (female) - discussing their graduation attire

On Hugh Heffner

"I just can't see sitting down with him and discussing the 'Tale of Two Cities' - Teacher 1 (female) - on why she didn't find Hugh Heffner attractive
"Yeah, but I can see him discussing the tail in two cities - Teacher 2 (male)

Disturbing

"Give a man a match he'll be warm for a minute... but set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. - Student - written on his final exam

I Guess That Works

"I brought you a McGriddles because I knew you'd be mad at me" - Student as he arrived 30 minutes late to my class.

That Was Random

"Do you have any hand sanitizer? My nose ring stinks." - Student