Uhhh....We Don't Have A Cow, We Have A Bull

Answer on a Quiz

Describe the function of each part listed

Testis : to make milk

And They Wonder Why They Fail

Where Are You Going With This Question?

"Mister, is sucking and blowing the same thing?" - Student

What They're Really Feeding You

FINALLY, frogs are in! Apparently they arrived either yesterday or Tuesday and have been in the cafeteria. - email from science teacher

Well Played

"Why are you rubbing her?" - Teacher to female student

"Because she likes it" - random student across the room

Harsh

"I love that song, please don't ruin it for me." - Student to another student who was singing

Teacher Truisms

"But you see, I'm teaching morons" - Teacher 1 (whining)

"Don't we all" - Teacher 2

The SAT Story

"There was this girl sitting next to me at the SAT. She had her shoes off and had a blanket covering her and she was doing inappropriate things for like a half hour during the test." - Student 1

"At least she was quiet" - Student 2

"Not if you were close to her" - Student 1

"Was she still taking the test?" - Student 2

"Yeah, she was still working on the test" - Student 1

"At least she was multi-tasking" - Student 2

This One's A Genius

"Can you get pregnant from doing oral sex?" - Student (female with a 1 year old already)

How Would I Know?

During a video about salmon

"That's how salmon do it?" - Student 1

"Does it feel good?" - Student 2

You Realize The Kid Can Read The Note Too And Now Knows That You Don't Give A _____ About Him

On a note a new student handed me this morning as he came into class.

"Xxxxx is transferring from xxxxxx high school. He is here only for the asparagus season and will not be enrolling this fall. He is not projected to graduate. ................"

Signed

counselor

I'm Speechless

"Please start working" - Teacher to group of students

"They're making fun of my butthole" - Student

HOW?

"Where have we been?" - Teacher

"I got my foot stuck in a vending machine. It really hurt." - Student

Okay Then, Thanks For Sharing

An Email I received today

Subject: Student name and ID number

Hello,

FYI,

He is in jail and will return as soon as he can.

Well Played

"How come boys always have more fun" - Student 1 (female)

"It probably has to do with the Y chromosome" - Teacher

"That's the fun chromosome" - Teacher

"And the STUPID chromosome" - Student 2 (female)

Yes, But You Still Have A Magic Wand

"What did you do!?!?! I mean I know what you did, please don't tell me about it." - Teacher (talking to an obviously pregnant student and her co-conspirator)

"I'm GAY" - Student (male/father) - interjecting before another word can be said

Why, Yes You Do

"Ewww, we look so disgusting inside" - Student

That May Cost You This Evening

"I'm at work, she's not my wife." - Teacher discussing a fellow teacher who actually is his wife.

On The Effects OF Religion

"I have four children.... it was my Catholic period." - Educational consultant

On Reasons For Teaching High School

"I thought of teaching small children, but I found small children generally repugnant" - Educational Consultant

New Term - Cropdusting

Cropdusting = Farting while walking

Example: "I just did some cropdusting back there" - Teacher

Honesty

"I never danced with my butt up on other people like that." - Teacher 1

"I did" - Teacher 2

On Peewee Herman

"He was caught working out in the theater." - Teacher

What Kind Of Friend Are You?

"Do you want the friend truth or the TRUTH" - Student discussing her friend's boyfriend

You Have My Undivided Attention

"My best friend kinda, almost burned down her house the other day." - Student

They Make Those?

Answer on a test.

Question: Discuss methods for reducing energy consumption in transportation.

Answer: Drive cars that don't rely on energy.

Not Something You Want To Hear In The Bathroom

"That was an explosive lunch" - Teacher

Thanks for Sharing

"Can I go to the bathroom? I have to pee like a pregnant woman." - Student

That's Not Good

"Stop touching her innappropriately" - Teacher to student

"I was just showing her what my teacher does" - Student

On Lies We Tell Small Children

"When I was a kid my mom would tell me 'you'll get worms in your butt if you drink too much sugar' ".