That's Why You Smile When Sniff Markers

"That smell is better than sex!" - Student (on sharpies)

Prepare For Lots Of Stinging!!!!

"Since you got to throw beans at us the last two days we should get to throw beans at you." - Student 1 to me

"Yeah, we should." - Student 2

About half a second later I got pelted with beans by a classroom full of kids.      In my defense I did not throw beans at them, we were doing a lab and I threw beans on the floor and they had to fight each other to pick them up.   OK, that might make me sound worse.

Umm.... Where On The Internet?

"Your mom is really hot." - Student 1 (female) to Student 2 (female)

"Yeah, I guess so." - Student 2

"She is!, I saw her on the internet yesterday." - Student 3 (male)

Do You Live Near A Nuclear Waste Dump?

"Chickens have four legs right?" - Student

One Of Our Successful Students

"Can you keep talking so I can go back to sleep?" - Student

On Pick Up Lines: WARNING Explicit Nerdity

"Baby, If I were an enzyme I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes" - Student

On Crappy Teachers

"So what were you studying in __________'s class before you transferred to my class?" - Me

"Actually, this is the first thing I've learned in biology all year." - Student

You Really Believe A Person Who's Bra Size Is Higher Than Her IQ?

"Is it true that the ocean is salty because of whale sperm?" - Student

"No" - Me

"But, that's what Snooki said made it salty" - Student

It Must Be Almost Valentines

"Why does a tiny little explosion happen when you get kissed?" - Student

On Failing Students

"Half of them failed my class, so I'm a little nervous to walk by them" - Teacher discussing the line of kids waiting to switch classes at the semester

And We Know Why You're A FIVE Year Senior

"I hope she's old so we can skip every day" - Student about his new teacher

Would You Like A Brain Too?

"Do you have a pencil I can write with?" - Student (5 minutes into the semester final)

Really?!?! How Did You Get To Boobs From Enzymes?

Random question in the middle of class
"How come one boob is bigger than the other?" - Student (female)

"Yeah, my left one is bigger than my right." - Student 2 (female)

On Black Eyes

"How did you get your black eye?" - Teacher

"I fell out of my shower and hit my head on my toilet, I'm not used to taking showers" - Student

On Random Questions

"Why do nipples nip?" - Student

Should I Be Afraid?

"I had to go home because my dad can't go outside" - Student

"Why can't your dad go outside?" - Teacher

"Oh, he's got house arrest" - Student

That Can't Have A Good Backstory

"You suck my dick" - Student (female)

On Valid Excuses

"I didn't my project done because my family was all drunk" - Student

The Boys Are Very Interested In Your Random Trivia

"Did you know that your earlobes are straight above your nipples?   I've checked like 40 times and its true." - Student (Female)

Obviously You Are Not One

"You spell genius with a J right?" - Student

Please Can We? Hopefully She Doesn't Pop

"I think _______'s dead.  Can we poke her with a stick?  She's been sitting in that same position at her desk staring at her computer screen all day." - Teacher

Lets Start Working On That McDonald's Application For You

"What do plants make sugar out of? - Teacher


"Carbon dioxide" - Student

"So where does the carbon in sugar come from?" - Teacher

"Ummm, water? - Student

"OK, plants make sugar from CARBON dioxide, where does the carbon in sugar come from?" - Teacher

"Ummm,  the sun?" - Student

After 5 minutes of this he still couldn't answer the question.  I gave up.   

New Term: McGangBang

McGangBang - A Double Decker split in half with a McChicken stuck in the middle of it

As in:   "I'm going to have a McGangBang for lunch" - Student

No We Don't

"So, what are you guys made from?" - Teacher (hoping for the answer to be Carbon)

"Well..  It starts with a V but we really don't want to talk about it" - Student

And Now We Know Why There Was A Huge Pack Of Boys Following

"MISTER!, Some girl just walked by and her nipple was sticking out of her shirt!   Should I go tell her?" - Student (female)

Well Played

"Don't hate biology, just hate the teacher" - Student (Discussing my class)

I Think I Smell An Experiment About To Happen

"How come you can't see your farts when its cold?   You know, like when you breathe out when its cold." - Student

What Really Happens In High School English

"Did you finish your concluding paragraph in english last hour?" -Student 1

"No, I was playing computer games all hour" - Student 2

Then Get Out Of My Classroom!!

"If the office calls, I'm not here." - Student

"Why?" - Teacher

"Because I'm suspended and not supposed to be here." - Student

Is That Even Medically Possible?

"Every time I sneeze, I get a foot cramp" - Student