On Black Eyes

"How did you get your black eye?" - Teacher

"I fell out of my shower and hit my head on my toilet, I'm not used to taking showers" - Student

On Random Questions

"Why do nipples nip?" - Student

Should I Be Afraid?

"I had to go home because my dad can't go outside" - Student

"Why can't your dad go outside?" - Teacher

"Oh, he's got house arrest" - Student

That Can't Have A Good Backstory

"You suck my dick" - Student (female)

On Valid Excuses

"I didn't my project done because my family was all drunk" - Student

The Boys Are Very Interested In Your Random Trivia

"Did you know that your earlobes are straight above your nipples?   I've checked like 40 times and its true." - Student (Female)

Obviously You Are Not One

"You spell genius with a J right?" - Student

Please Can We? Hopefully She Doesn't Pop

"I think _______'s dead.  Can we poke her with a stick?  She's been sitting in that same position at her desk staring at her computer screen all day." - Teacher

Lets Start Working On That McDonald's Application For You

"What do plants make sugar out of? - Teacher


"Carbon dioxide" - Student

"So where does the carbon in sugar come from?" - Teacher

"Ummm, water? - Student

"OK, plants make sugar from CARBON dioxide, where does the carbon in sugar come from?" - Teacher

"Ummm,  the sun?" - Student

After 5 minutes of this he still couldn't answer the question.  I gave up.   

New Term: McGangBang

McGangBang - A Double Decker split in half with a McChicken stuck in the middle of it

As in:   "I'm going to have a McGangBang for lunch" - Student

No We Don't

"So, what are you guys made from?" - Teacher (hoping for the answer to be Carbon)

"Well..  It starts with a V but we really don't want to talk about it" - Student

And Now We Know Why There Was A Huge Pack Of Boys Following

"MISTER!, Some girl just walked by and her nipple was sticking out of her shirt!   Should I go tell her?" - Student (female)

Well Played

"Don't hate biology, just hate the teacher" - Student (Discussing my class)

I Think I Smell An Experiment About To Happen

"How come you can't see your farts when its cold?   You know, like when you breathe out when its cold." - Student

What Really Happens In High School English

"Did you finish your concluding paragraph in english last hour?" -Student 1

"No, I was playing computer games all hour" - Student 2

Then Get Out Of My Classroom!!

"If the office calls, I'm not here." - Student

"Why?" - Teacher

"Because I'm suspended and not supposed to be here." - Student

Is That Even Medically Possible?

"Every time I sneeze, I get a foot cramp" - Student

So True

"Sometimes I feel like telling _______ (the principal) 'If you're running this place, then who's running hell?' " - Teacher

Carbon Is NOT A Molecule!! - This Might Have Something To Do With Your Test Scores

"Then the carbon molecules are broken down into simpler molecules" - Science Teacher

On Reasons For Breaking Up

"My ex-boyfriend was a drag queen.   I was okay with it until he stole my bra." - Student

On Cultural Reactions

"Mazel tov!!" - Student - when another student dropped a beaker on the floor

Teachers Must Be Getting Meaner

"What did you do?" - Teacher

"I broke my finger doing homework" - Student

I Was Going For Taste, But OK

"Can you think of anything that's bitter?" - Teacher

"My Aunt" - Student

Should I Be Afraid?

"You're coming in from Portland right?" - Teacher

"Well, actually I just out of jail after two years, but yeah I'm from Portland" - New Student

And I'm Not Willing To Sell My Soul To Be Like You

"When are you going to step up and lead the _________ team?" - Administrator

"Well, I'm making sure that I keep my priorities straight and don't over commit.  Time at home is more important.   Plus I don't want to burn myself out" - Me

"That's over-rated.  I'm way past burnout" - Administrator

That'll Scar You For Life

"I walked in on my parents twice.   Now I'm not scared of anything" - Student

Not THAT Kind of Twitch

Random student question.

"You know how people twitch when they sleep?" - Student 1

"Like a wet dream?" - Student 2

On Certain Dance Moves

"That's some job training right there." - Teacher watching the dance team perform

And Then She's Just Going To Jump The Border Again?

"I'm leaving to Mexico" - Student

"OK, how come?" - Teacher

"Because my mom got deported.  But I'm only going to stay with her for a month" - Student

"Well...I'm glad you'll be back" - Teacher

"Oh, my mom's only going to be gone for like four months" - Student

And They Wonder Why They Fail

"Did you study" - Teacher

"No" - AP Student

"Why not" - Teacher

"Because I don't study" - AP Student