On Cultural Reactions

"Mazel tov!!" - Student - when another student dropped a beaker on the floor

Teachers Must Be Getting Meaner

"What did you do?" - Teacher

"I broke my finger doing homework" - Student

I Was Going For Taste, But OK

"Can you think of anything that's bitter?" - Teacher

"My Aunt" - Student

Should I Be Afraid?

"You're coming in from Portland right?" - Teacher

"Well, actually I just out of jail after two years, but yeah I'm from Portland" - New Student

And I'm Not Willing To Sell My Soul To Be Like You

"When are you going to step up and lead the _________ team?" - Administrator

"Well, I'm making sure that I keep my priorities straight and don't over commit.  Time at home is more important.   Plus I don't want to burn myself out" - Me

"That's over-rated.  I'm way past burnout" - Administrator

That'll Scar You For Life

"I walked in on my parents twice.   Now I'm not scared of anything" - Student

Not THAT Kind of Twitch

Random student question.

"You know how people twitch when they sleep?" - Student 1

"Like a wet dream?" - Student 2

On Certain Dance Moves

"That's some job training right there." - Teacher watching the dance team perform

And Then She's Just Going To Jump The Border Again?

"I'm leaving to Mexico" - Student

"OK, how come?" - Teacher

"Because my mom got deported.  But I'm only going to stay with her for a month" - Student

"Well...I'm glad you'll be back" - Teacher

"Oh, my mom's only going to be gone for like four months" - Student

And They Wonder Why They Fail

"Did you study" - Teacher

"No" - AP Student

"Why not" - Teacher

"Because I don't study" - AP Student

Have You Been Watching Porn? Who Makes Babies In An Operating Room?

"Pollination happens between two plants, where an egg and a sperm meet.  Once the chemistry starts flowing they swim down the pollination tube to the main operating room where they make baby flowers." - Student answer to question asking them to describe the process of fertilization in flowering plants.

Sweet Music To My Ears

Whoa, that shit looks cool!! - Student as he looked through a microscope at stained cells

So True

"They should be good today, she's young and cute" - Teacher (discussing how her students would behave for the substitute)

That Came Out Wrong

"Plants have hormones just like humans.   They have hormones that make them bloom and make things grow in length" - Teacher (me)

Why?

"So why are you taking a nap in my class today?" - Teacher

"Because I spent all of last night talking to the cops" - Student

On Priorities

"I'd rather go without food, than go without Montana" - Teacher - discussing her weekend plans

On Why American Students Are Falling Behind The Rest Of The World

"I had Mrs. _________  for science .   We didn't learn a damn thing because she just sat on her ass all year."

On Things Students Did This Summer

"I made my own homemade taser" - Student

On Mental Images

"It'll be like me trying to fit into a size Zero dress. It won't fit and won't be pretty but we're going to make it work." - Assistant Principal discussing large class sizes this year

On Things People Admit To Strangers

"I've never taught drunk, but I have taught hung over a few times" - Teacher

Scary.....

"I'VE GOT YOUR BALLS!!!" - teacher as she removed the testes from a fruit fly

New Term: Office Rack

Office Rack -Man boobs that develop as a result of working an office job and getting out of shape.

As in: "Yeah I know, I have an office rack"

Thanks For Giving Me Extra Work

Written on one of my classroom desks

"I had fun in your class. Have a good summer"

On Racist Teachers

"Mr. ________ handed this Asian kid in our class a paperclip and said 'here, make a computer' " - Student

On The Wisdom Of Farmers

"My dad always said you should spend twice as much time fixing something as complaining about it." - Teacher

Best Interview Answer Ever

"How closely are you aligned to the state standards" - Interviewer

"Exactly" - Applicant

On Stereotyping

"You've got to look at the clientele. We're talking about a bunch of Mexican's here." - Teacher

Uhhh....We Don't Have A Cow, We Have A Bull

Answer on a Quiz

Describe the function of each part listed

Testis : to make milk

And They Wonder Why They Fail

Where Are You Going With This Question?

"Mister, is sucking and blowing the same thing?" - Student