How Students Hear Teachers

"You were like 'enough about dykes, there's a quiz tomorrow' " - student - on how she hear my transition from human XY disorders to reminding them of the quiz

And If You Want Reproduce... Don't Try This Idea

"If you want to save money, break up before Valentine's and then get back together after Valentine's" - Student (male)

Can You Not See The Teacher In Front Of You?

"That's the one that looks like titties" - Student - discussing mitosis with a friend

Well Played

"Its not working" - Student 1 - discussing a pencil sharpener

"Push it harder" - Teacher

"That's what she said" - Student 2

Thats Not How I Understand Sexual Reproduction

On an essay on a semester final in biology.

"An example (of an organism that reproduces sexually) would be humans. We use other organisms to reproduce.

Must Be Going Through A Boy Hating Phase

Scratch notes on the side of a test next to a question about asexual reproduction.

"Don't need help from someone else - ideal method for woman"

Well Played

"What the heck is that?!?!" - Student 1

"That's what she said" - Student 2

And How Do You Know That?

"For the record, flavored condoms do run out of flavor" - Student

On Teacher's STDs

"I took some pictures of Mrs. ______'s syphilis and gonorrhea on my phone today. They're these cute little stuffed things that tell about the STD on the tag." - Student

On The Male Mind

"You just like her because she wears skimpy skirts and tall boots" - Student 1 (male)

Silence - Student 2 (male)

"And there you go not denying it" - Student 1

That Must Have Been Fun To Watch

"I got suspended for throwing a pencil at this kid (long pause) sorry, PENCILS." - Student

Apparently over 30 pencils were thrown which begs, was the teacher asleep?

Is Your Counselor Even Dumber Than You?

"My counselor wanted me to see if there was any chance I could pass this class" - Student (current grade = 4% 45 absences 2 weeks until the end of the semester)

Good Luck, You Little Bastard

"Oh F###, you work here!" - Freshman Student after treating me like crap for most of a class period because he thought I was a substitute

"Yep, I'm Mr. ___________, and I'll probably be your Biology teacher next year." - Me

You Can't Argue With Evidence

"My dog just got hungry, I guess." - Student

I'm Not Sure I Want To Know

"Do you know what barebacking is?" - Student asking me

They then proceeded to provide me with the definition. Not cool.

On Nerds

"They don't make you any smarter so I stopped eating them" - Student

On Coming To Work To Stay Safe

"Has __(your wife) ____ had her baby yet?" - Me

"No, THAT'S why I'm here" - Staff Member

Uhhh.... And Where Exactly Is That?

"I think boobs would just get in the way" - Student (male)

"Not if know where to put them" - Student (female)

I Didn't KnowThat Was Even Possible

"_______ peed green today" - Student telling me

The student who was being discussed proceeded to walk over to the wall and point out the exact color of her pee on a poster.

On Teaching Your Parent About The TV Guide Channel

"I told her, 'Mom, if it say's adult its PORN, If it says erotic or exotic, its PORN' " - Student

On Words That Sound The Same

"I taught 7th grade my first year and I asked them to write a horror story and I got several whore stories instead" - Teacher

On Personal Creation Stories

"I don't want any stories involving the back seat of a Nova" - Teacher

On Things Girls Are Better At Than Boys

"They have to have men and women in separate categories for curling in the Olympics because women are better at sweeping than men." - Student

How Could It Not Go Up?

"A 13 %!! Awesome, it went up!" - Student on seeing his new grade

On Risk/Reward Calculations

"Hey, go in there for me" - Student 1 (asking her friend to go into a class in session and get something)

"No, there's no hot guys in there" - Student 2

On Watching Your Mother Give Birth

"I told her 'Mom, I've spent too much time staring at your vagina' " - Student

As I Feel My Stomach Sink To My Feet

"Would you be happy or sad if you found out you were pregnant as a high school student?" - Student

Meanwhile The Teenage Boy In The Discussion Is Trying To Not Look Too Interested

"My friend walked out of her classroom and there were two girls just full on making out." - Student 1 (female)

"Uggh, that's disgusting. I think I'd have to go take a shower after that" - Student 2 (female)

I'm Not Looking Forward To Getting Old Either

"Why is it that when you get old you have to get a prostate exam? And why do they have to test for it like that? It's just wrong." - Student

On Being A Cheerleader In Uniform

"It's kind of like walking around school in your underwear" - Student