On The Effects Of Non-academic College Activities

"Can you let me into my room I locked my keys in there" - Teacher 1

"And that's what we call brain damage." - Teacher 2

"Yeah, too much hops and bong resin" - Teacher 1

Since When Did High Five = Gay?

"Let's be gayer than a rainbow and give each other a high five." - Student to another student

This One's Got Potential

"Why did you transfer to here?" - Teacher

"Because I got kicked out" - Student

"For?" - Teacher

"They said I was selling drugs" - Student

"Were you?" - Teacher

"No, I was just using them" - Student

Please Stop Wasting My Time

"Why haven't you been coming to school?" (he's been absent the past 3 weeks) - Teacher

"My hands hurt" - Student

"Really?" - Teacher

"Yeah, I had some warts removed and it hurt." - Student

And You Wonder Why You Don't Have A Girlfriend

"I've got a question. Why do girls feel the need to tell us all their problems when we really don't care. It's really annoying." - Student (male) asking a bunch of girls

On Birth Control

"So because of her (The Virgin Mary) we can't say that abstinence is 100% effective" - Student

On The Mercurial Emotions Of Teenage Girls

"This machine is like a 13 year old girl. If you look at it wrong its going to break down and cry." - Phlebotomist at Red Cross Blood Drive about the double red cell machine.

Thanks For The Moral Support

"You have girl blood" - Student to me after seeing the plasma being returned to my arm from the double apheresis machine.

One Of Life's Enduring Mysteries

"Why do those people (from Canada) like to jump naked into really cold water?" - Student

That Can't Be Appropriate - Time For You To Quit Talking

"Did I just hear you say Camel Toe?" - Student (really loudly to his seatmate)

So The Earth Used To Be Egg Shaped?

Quiz Question - Why are tropical fossils found on Antarctica?

Student Answer - "Because Antarctica used to be farther south."

Exactly How Long Do You Plan On Living?

"Girls are mean" - Student 1 (Male)

"You're giving us a bad name" - Student 2 (female)

"You give yourselves a bad name!" - Student 3 (male)

How Kids Describe Parents

"I saw your dad the other day. He came with this entourage of Mexicans." - Student

Random

"You guys are lucky. You get to look at Asian cheek cells." - Student

We Only Hire The Best

"My English teacher my sophomore year would come in every morning and say 'good morning dumb asses' to our class." - Student

And We Wonder Why They Fail

"Any last questions before today's test?" - Teacher

"We have a test today?" - Student

If Only They Passed The Other Tests Too

"If our students took a gang (state assessment) they would all get 100%" - Vice Principal

Yes, We Can Tell

"I took some drugs this morning" - Principal

Well Played

"I'm glad to see you're showing your school spirit" - Student - about my shirt (one I wear to work on a regular basis) on ugly shirt and tie day during spirit week.

On Things You Shouldn't See Your Parents Do

"I watched my sister being born. The doctor made me touch her head when she was crowning" - Student

New Term: Jab

Jab = "Really Mexican, Mexican. Hat, Shirt halfway unbuttoned with hair sticking out the top, etc."

Example:

"My brother is a real jab" - Student

On Homecoming Dates

"I thought you had a date" - Student 1

"Well..., it turns out he has a criminal record" - Student 2

On Homecoming Dresses

"Yeah, mine's a little tight so if we go out to eat, I'll go to the bathroom and you'll hear this gunshot and say '_______'s out of her dress" - Student

But Compared To Other Classes It Really Sucks?

"Your class isn't bad for a science class" - Student

Thanks For Sharing

"For example if you get epic diarrhea and get dehydrated they'll give you fluid at the hospital to rehydrate you" - Teacher

"I had that once" - Student

Can You Say Food Poisoning

"I don't really trust the school milk. Sometimes it's chunky" - Student

Kinda Sad/Really Clueless

"I started gaining all this weight. I just thought my metabolism had slowed down" - Student on finding out she was 20 weeks pregnant

And You Quit Going Because They Stopped Feeding You?

"When I was little kid I went to church for the churros." - Student

Only If You Believe In Magic

"I just turned in that one assignment, do you think that will raise my grade from a 61 to a C?"

Is That Her Name?

"Why were you tardy to your 4th hour every day last week?" - Teacher

"My shoe kept coming untied" - Student